Friends wanted
Nepal is a land of kindness and hospitality. That sounds very nice and it is when you visit the country. Yet it can kill you at times, because it is not what it seems.
I leave that kindness and hospitality as it is. They are certainly there. Unlike in the West, you do not have to make appointments here and you can just come in. (This is less and less the case for the city.) You are always welcome.
So I also opened my house. Who wants may come. But no one came.
So I invited people. A few came. That was it.
The frustration has been under my skin for a while. Yesterday it came out.
Like every Saturday we were in the church. After the service, everyone started to leave. And we too went home. Without plans for the rest of the day. I wanted to visit people or room around somewhere outside, because Saturday afternoon is the only and best moment in these busy times. David wanted to go home. Of course he sees most of them almost daily in his work for the church.
At home the frustration came out. I felt genuinely lonely in a world of superficial friendship.
The family ties are very strong here. All secrets are shared within the family. Outside the family, friendships are mainly for social entertainment. Everyone is everyone's (facebook) friend, in which there is no distinction between good friends and acquaintances. A superficial network of people that you can access when you need something they are experts in or have contacts for.
Outside the family you will find few Nepalese people who are sincerely interested in you like you expect a good friendship to be in the West. The Nepalese you find have usually been abroad and are therefore familiar with friendships outside the family and with the English language.
In response to my travel blog about friends, I recently received a message from a German friend who said that she wished that I would find more good friends in Nepal. When I read that, I thought: but I have a lot of friends here! Yes?
Now I know better. Yesterday all puzzle pieces fell into place:
Piece 1: The differences between friendship here and there
Piece 2: My many invitations without response
Piece 3: People who say that they will come when they receive an invitation from you, but do not come on your invitation
Piece 4: The disinterest of someone who continues their own activities when you come by for a chat (they have family to talk to)
Piece 5: Missing all my good friends in the Netherlands and other countries
Etc.
I cried terribly, I cried out the loneliness. So badly that I got a headache. To come to the conclusion that David is my only real good friend in Nepal. And now that I am clarifying it, I can add that he will be the only one unless I find others who want to be good friends outside of their family. David is the only family that I have within reach and, in Nepal, family is the place to share your heart.
But do not worry: knowledge and insight, no matter how hard the truth is, lead to new goals and possibilities. So time to look for true friendship. Interested Nepalese (not the ones I always approach but never initiate themselves) and / or foreigners who live in Nepal. Suggestions are welcome.
Besides, I am just about every day at home and I would very much like to make appointments with Dutch family and friends for a telephone or video call via Whatsapp or Messenger. In the Netherlands we also call each other, right? (Or maybe we do that too less and throw everything on the app.) The only difference is that I live a few hours further on the clock. Do a message or a call if I have overlooked you and you want to contact me. And thanks if you already sent messages, that is encouraging!
Disclaimer: All I wrote are my own experiences and interpretations, no fact-based evidence about Nepali people. Am I not blaming anyone too.
I leave that kindness and hospitality as it is. They are certainly there. Unlike in the West, you do not have to make appointments here and you can just come in. (This is less and less the case for the city.) You are always welcome.
So I also opened my house. Who wants may come. But no one came.
So I invited people. A few came. That was it.
The frustration has been under my skin for a while. Yesterday it came out.
Like every Saturday we were in the church. After the service, everyone started to leave. And we too went home. Without plans for the rest of the day. I wanted to visit people or room around somewhere outside, because Saturday afternoon is the only and best moment in these busy times. David wanted to go home. Of course he sees most of them almost daily in his work for the church.
At home the frustration came out. I felt genuinely lonely in a world of superficial friendship.
The family ties are very strong here. All secrets are shared within the family. Outside the family, friendships are mainly for social entertainment. Everyone is everyone's (facebook) friend, in which there is no distinction between good friends and acquaintances. A superficial network of people that you can access when you need something they are experts in or have contacts for.
Outside the family you will find few Nepalese people who are sincerely interested in you like you expect a good friendship to be in the West. The Nepalese you find have usually been abroad and are therefore familiar with friendships outside the family and with the English language.
In response to my travel blog about friends, I recently received a message from a German friend who said that she wished that I would find more good friends in Nepal. When I read that, I thought: but I have a lot of friends here! Yes?
Now I know better. Yesterday all puzzle pieces fell into place:
Piece 1: The differences between friendship here and there
Piece 2: My many invitations without response
Piece 3: People who say that they will come when they receive an invitation from you, but do not come on your invitation
Piece 4: The disinterest of someone who continues their own activities when you come by for a chat (they have family to talk to)
Piece 5: Missing all my good friends in the Netherlands and other countries
Etc.
I cried terribly, I cried out the loneliness. So badly that I got a headache. To come to the conclusion that David is my only real good friend in Nepal. And now that I am clarifying it, I can add that he will be the only one unless I find others who want to be good friends outside of their family. David is the only family that I have within reach and, in Nepal, family is the place to share your heart.
But do not worry: knowledge and insight, no matter how hard the truth is, lead to new goals and possibilities. So time to look for true friendship. Interested Nepalese (not the ones I always approach but never initiate themselves) and / or foreigners who live in Nepal. Suggestions are welcome.
Besides, I am just about every day at home and I would very much like to make appointments with Dutch family and friends for a telephone or video call via Whatsapp or Messenger. In the Netherlands we also call each other, right? (Or maybe we do that too less and throw everything on the app.) The only difference is that I live a few hours further on the clock. Do a message or a call if I have overlooked you and you want to contact me. And thanks if you already sent messages, that is encouraging!
Disclaimer: All I wrote are my own experiences and interpretations, no fact-based evidence about Nepali people. Am I not blaming anyone too.
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